something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
