They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize