shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
