i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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