He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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