You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
