Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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