Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
