What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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