we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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