I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
