I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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