You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
