no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
