we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
