i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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