erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
