Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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