I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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