I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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