in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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