he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dick very happy bro
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
