Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Quick, to the slutcave!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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