Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
