if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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