i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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