You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
