I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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