Responsibility does not care about your dick.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
