Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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