I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize