dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
