When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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