Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize