Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
