i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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