Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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