You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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