Already got asked if we're dating
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
