so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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