I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
