Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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