i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
