yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
