Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
