I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
