I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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