Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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