why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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