Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
