And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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