We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
