so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
