Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
