omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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