It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
