this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
