Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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