she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The air was thick with penises
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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