I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
