Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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