Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
