i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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