I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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