he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
