just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
