Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
