just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Bring me that man meat
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
