Me too!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
